At this moment, I’m in my pajamas (It’s 0900, give me a break). They are blue with the fish from Dr. Seuss’ “One Fish, Two Fish” on them. My hair is still in the braid I wore to bed last night, a little messy. I’m sitting on the couch, with bare feet on the coffee table. My black Siamese cat, MK, is curled up to my left. I’m slouching so my arms can comfortably rest as I type on my laptop. One arm is rested across MK’s back.
I tell you this so you can get a good mental picture of me in typical blogging mode. I don’t always wear my pajamas, but the cat/bare feet/couch positioning is nearly always the same. You’re not here, but you can observe me. Wait, I’ll post a picture so you can see.
There I am.
So I was thinking, if I could watch myself and evaluate my attitude and behavior in the same way that I watch others, would I like what I saw? What about you? If you could watch yourself on a little hidden camera, would you be proud of your behavior, attitudes and actions?
I’d like to say I would be, but I can think of things I’ve said and done that I am less than proud of. It’s an area I can improve upon. I think it’s a fair goal to have, to live your life so that you’d be proud of what you said and did if you watched it later.
I have an odd perspective on the world. I am always “in my head,” thinking and evaluating. I feel very much like an outsider in every social situation. I am an introvert.
If I were an animal, I’d be a cat. I’m gregarious and affectionate on my own terms, but don’t expect me to come when called. Or, more accurately in my case, don’t expect me to answer the phone when called. I hate those who think that you must answer the phone when they call you. They’re nearly as bad as people who show up on your doorstep unannounced. Rude.
Right, back to the topic at hand.
I’m an observer. I like to watch people, but find myself disgusted and annoyed by them at the same time. People are strange, inconsiderate, abrasive, and generally idiotic. If they could watch themselves later, I don’t think they’d like what they saw.
Because of this, I am not a “joiner.” I prefer to associate with those I feel pride in knowing. Such people are few and far between.
People creep me out a little, with their gross habits and funny noises and thoughtless
remarks. This might be the reason that I’ve spent my entire life holding everyone I meet at arm’s length. Stay OUT of my bubble, rude weirdos! I talk when I choose to talk, socialize when and with whom I choose to socialize.
I still like to go to the airport or a Greyhound bus terminal to observe these people. I have no idea why, since I usually leave rather annoyed by humanity in general. Even more interesting is to watch them in their yard or get a peek at them as you walk by their houses…in their natural habitat. I guess that makes me a bit of a recreational voyeur.
Like fingernails on a chalkboard, the obnoxious things that people do really grate on my nerves. They hit others while they talk, chew with their mouths open, say “I want” or “gimme” instead of “please, may I have.” They complain about the rudeness of their children after screaming at that same child to “shut up” or “get the hell down from there right NOW!” They enable people around them to treat them inappropriately, then complain about it. They ignore others around them in public places, leaving their trash everywhere, screwing up the environment by picking or treading all over the foliage. They bang on the glass at the zoo or aquarium (where is specifically says not to do so). They touch without asking, interrupt, push, poke, prod, and completely ignore common sense.
The list goes on and on and on. I’m sure you can think of little rudenesses and annoyances to add.
How can they not know they are doing these things?
Back inside my head: I think that many people do not actively monitor their behavior, attitudes, and actions in the way that I do (most of the time anyway, even I slip on occasion). Their behavior is a knee-jerk, baser desires-driven response, not a critically thought-out or considerate response.
But I also recognize and appreciate that there are a few out there like me, who really care about the impact of their words and behavior. Who recognize the ripple effect felt by a simple smile and “excuse me, I’m sorry” when they accidentally bump into someone. Who know that living in this world means sharing it and respecting the others who would like to live in it peacefully.
But since those people are so few these days, please…just leave me the heck alone.