I have plenty of excuses for not blogging, but let’s skip those, okay?
Today we’ll be discussing selfishness. Don’t cringe. Selfishness is not a bad word. In fact, I’d argue that selfishness is a key part of maintaining a successful relationship.
Today I was wondering: What’s the deal with “bad boys?” It seems that some women have a habit of falling for the bad boys, and the nice guys are forever feeling left out. But those bad boys are usually jerks, right? So what’s the frackin’ attraction, hm? Do nice guys have…or even deserve a chance?
Here’s my take:
Bad boys maintain a firm hold on their individuality and masculinity, flatly refusing to give it up. Nice guys are more willing to become a door-mat if it means that they will not be alone. They tend to tone down their masculinity so women won’t find them a threat, not that they’d know how to be a threat even if they wanted to be. So what’s the deal? Why are more women willing to be hurt by a bad boy than pick the nice guy?
I’ve figured it out. Ready? Here it is: Women want someone who is a bit selfish.
The typical bad boys are plenty selfish, right? So why don’t those relationships work out? And why do women who already have nice, non-selfish guys, end up dumping them for a bad boy (and then end up dumping the bad boys too)?
Well, put simply, it’s all about levels of selfishness. Women are Goldilocks when it comes to selfishness (and guys should be too). We don’t want someone who is too selfish, or not selfish enough, we want a guy who is somewhere in the middle. The guy who is just right.
Selfish, but not irritatingly so.
I feel like a goober for having just written that, but it’s accurate. Moving on.
You see, we all want a relationship with someone who cares about their health, their physique, their dress. Someone who takes pride in their education and ability. Someone who strives for something. Drive is sexy and highly attractive. And, in order to care about those things, that someone must be a little selfish about them.
Those bad boys with their cocky attitudes are selfish enough to care about and show passion for something. They might be competitive, which exhibits selfishness plus confidence, so that lures in many an interested lady. The problems arise when the level of selfishness exceeds what is necessary to maintain those things. Too much selfishness is a bad thing. Too much selfishness means that they lack the ability to consider things and people outside of their own circle of interest. In short, they can’t multitask.
So off we go to date a “nice guy.” And we find that we become bored with the nice guy…because he’s just not selfish enough! Sure, it’s amazing in the beginning to have a guy who lavishes us with attention to the point of self deprecation, but it gets old fast. He doesn’t pay enough attention to himself, his goals, or his own ego, and many women become bored. They feel the need to improve him, to train him to be more selfish; because not enough selfishness is also a bad thing.
Being in a relationship is not about taking two people and mooshing them into one freaky-in-love superhuman. When one person in the relationship is putty in the others hands, the respect for individual personalities, which initially forged the attraction, is compromised. Selfishness ensures that individual personalities are maintained, and respect for that individuality is key to relationship success.
So, dear readers, I’ve missed your thoughts and opinions. What do you think? Where do you want your relationship on the spectrum of selfishness…and why?