I’ve decided that it’s “Get to know Dr. Pretzel Week” on the Dr. Pretzel blog. I hope you enjoy it.
Today’s blog lacks any sort of philosophical depth. I’m just here to rant.
I had a tough time figuring out what to write today. So I decided to share a few opinions. No links needed. All from my brain (braaaaiiinzzzz… Okay, we’ll leave the zombie discussions for another time).
Anyhow, this is the post where you get to learn a little more about me. It might make you like me; it might make you realize that I’m not quite normal; it might make you question my sanity and suggest professional help. What ever this post does, I hope you get a few laughs before you decide to avoid Dr. Pretzel entirely (why the hell am I referring to myself in the third person?).
Right. Moving on now.
Tidbit #1. I don’t like weddings. Before you send me an invite, remember this
(unless I’m your sister or best friend, because I might make an exception…but I will still be judgmental).
Now you might think that this could have something to do with the fact that I’ve never had one and am secretly jealous. You’re wrong. I’ve considered that idea already and ruled it out. Ha!
I married The Starter Husband (a.k.a., my ex) in a courthouse, but if I’d married him in a beautiful garden surrounded by amazing flowers and butterflies the relationship still would have ended the same way. Being a single mother is not a good reason to get married. Neither is fear.
So, I’ve thought about this a lot. Say that I found “The Guy” and said yes (the “yes” is unlikely anyhow because marriage is another thing on my list that I don’t like or understand). I’d sooner go on vacation or buy new furniture or just leave my money in savings before I blew it on a day spent with a handful of loved-ones and a shit-ton of people who are just there for the food and free drinks. I mean, crap…if I’m going to spend over $100 on a dress, you can be damn sure I’m going to be able to wear it more than once.
Weddings are such a waste selfish waste. On the off chance that I decide to spend the rest of my life with someone, I’ll throw a party after being with that person for ten or fifteen years, when we actually have something to celebrate. Until then, don’t harass me about getting hitched. Cohabiting for a year or two does not indicate that a man should have to buy me an overpriced rock and promise me his soul for eternity (wow, that sounds just as evil as I think it is!).
There are a tiny, tiny handful of exceptions. Couples who have been together for 40 or 50 years, who tied the knot after knowing one another for five minutes, will always get a pass with me. At this moment in time, there is just one young couple I can think of who makes the exception list. K and M are the most perfectly suited couple ever. I’ve known them both since high school. They were high school sweethearts who married on the tenth anniversary of the day they met (sounds a lot like the ten-year celebration party plan, hmmm?). Their lovely wedding was most appropriate and the exact opposite of the moronic extravaganzas of ego and selfishness I hate. I’ll happily go to weddings like theirs.
K and M will know who they are upon reading this…and should know that I am green with envy of their happiness (can we all say awwwwww?).
Tidbit #2. I also don’t like baby showers. Whenever I go to a baby shower (or a
wedding shower, or any other “gift giving event”), a thought surfaces: Did a bunch of women get together and say “Hey, how can we make people feel obligated to give us free stuff? Ooooh, we’ll send them invitations to a party along with information about a “registry” of crap we want! The registry will make them feel obligated to purchase a gift, even if they can’t afford it! And when they come, we’ll feed them awful hors d’oeuvres and play terribly tasteless and humiliating games! Won’t it be such fun!?”
How about no.
Here’s a thought: The economy really sucks right now. People are unemployed and do not have enough money to buy food, let alone a gift for you and your fetus. If you’d like to celebrate your impending bundle, invite friends over for a party/get-together/potluck, and break the news to them collectively. Enjoy the excitement that ensues, and let them know that you won’t be doing a shower because it’s freaking selfish. Later on, if they feel compelled to send you a gift out of the kindness of their heart it will be up to them…no pressure. It would be a real gift because it’s not a requirement to avoid guilt.
Tidbit #3. Corporate and PTO-Run School Fundraisers. Oh, how I hate them. Every school year, several times a year, my kids come home with these packets. In the packet are catalogs of overpriced crap that the school wants my kid to sell to make the school some extra cash.
School fundraisers are a racket, pure and simple. A company approaches the school with a program which guilts children into selling a product by using a “prize chart.” The school gets a small percentage of the sales, and the fund-raising company pockets the rest. Some company is using MY child to make money during school hours when they ought to be learning.
I can’t begin to describe the level of disgust I feel for school fundraisers and the disregard these companies have for the fact that my child is at school to learn, not make money. I pay property taxes, income taxes and sales taxes. I am aware that the economy sucks, but perhaps it’s time to start properly allocating and prioritizing funds. We don’t need new sidewalks or traffic circles when our schools don’t have enough money to buy books.
I do not understand how they can think this is a good idea. For goodness’ sake, if they want money, instead of sending this crap home the school should just ask us to write a check. The school would get ALL the money, and I wouldn’t have to buy any worthless junk.
I think that is is perfectly disgusting to support a company which is taking advantage of my
child by using peer pressure, guilt, prizes, and parties. This is the stuff I am trying to teach my child to avoid and ignore…yet schools are willingly thrusting it upon them in order to make money. It needs to stop.
So, I’ve told you some things that really tick me off. Perhaps next time we’ll talk about what makes me happy.