The Santa Tracker/Ambush Guide

From my twisty mind to you, Merry Christmas!

Are you tired of trying to stay awake all night in hopes that you might catch a glimpse of Santa breaking and entering leaving gifts under your tree?

Perhaps you have, like me, been attempting to capture get a personal audience with the Big Guy for years, but can’t seem to stay awake long enough (especially after all of the preparations).

Put Cookies Under Here.

Let this year be the last year you miss nabbing that jerk and holding him for ransom being able to discuss the gift you ought to have gotten when you were nine.

What you really need is the NORAD Santa Tracker Alarm Clock!!!

Santa Arrival Time...SET!

With your alarm clock tied into the NORAD Santa Tracker, you’ll always know just when Santa is about to arrive. You can sleep soundly knowing that you’ll awaken just in time!

How to use the NORAD Santa Tracker Alarm Clock:

  1. Set up your Santa Trap Discussion Area
  2. Bait Provide the Discussion Area with milk and cookies
  3. Set your NORAD Santa Tracker Alarm Clock for Santa Arrival Time by depressing the figure of Santa climbing in a chimney
  4. Snuggle down on the couch with a warm blanket
  5. Sleep soundly knowing that you’ll be awakened by “Santa Claus is Coming to Town” as the big guy readies himself to enter your home.
  6. Hold that jerk for ransom Discuss with Santa the reason you did not get the present you begged for when you were nine, and instead got an itchy and ugly scarf/hat set.
  7. Enjoy your bountiful Christmas!


The NORAD Santa Tracker Alarm Clock Company is not liable for any lawsuits filed by any party in relation to any injury to person, mythological figure, or property in conjunction with the use of their product.  Limited Lifetime Warranty applies only to manufacturer defects.  The Company does not guarantee the existence of any aforementioned mythological figure, the validity of any related holiday, or the product itself.  The customer may or may not be satisfied with the non-existence of the aforementioned product.  The Company does not exist, nor do they have any affiliation with NORAD.

About DrPretzel

Student of philosophy and medicine, mother of 2 Creatures of Mass Destruction (a.k.a. "boys"), Soldier, sister, daughter, friend, cat person, social inept, INTJ, blah, blah, blah...are you even reading this?
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6 Responses to The Santa Tracker/Ambush Guide

  1. And for those of us with an iPhone…YES! You can download the “NORAD Tracks Santa” app FREE!

  2. omg. “santa discussion area” made me snort.

  3. drpretzel says:

    This idea popped into my head last night. I couldn’t resist making a blog post about it.

  4. AJ says:

    This is hardly an eloquent, witty, pithy, or otherwise worthwhile comment, but here goes: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

  5. Brian Gillum says:

    Bwahahahhaahaaaaahahahaha. ROFLMAO!

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