Overheard last Friday, on a private college campus somewhere, by a certain judgmental philosophical contortionist:
College girl #1: “So, I was all, like, ‘seriously?’ and he went, ‘yeah, I did.”
College girl #2: “Oh my god! You must have, like, literally fell out of your chair.”
CG#1: “Hell yeah I did! I could, like, hardly believe he, like, lied to me after all we been through together! I mean, he was my first boyfriend!”
CG#2 (consoling): “Well, you know there’s, like, way better guys out there. You’re just, like, too good for him.”
CG#1 (melancholy): “Yeah, I know. But I, like, really loved him.”
Aww, that’s so sad.
Not really. What truly makes me sad is that a couple of young women in college are not capable of a grammatically correct conversation. One of these females happens to be just a semester away from graduation. This is worrisome. It is quite clear that a lesson is needed to comprehend the nature of their ridiculous speech.
Everything about a conversation such as this is akin to mental sandpaper, similar to when you get a rough spot on your fingernail and it snags on every nice thing you touch. Or like when you are attempting to sleep in and the cat decides to walk across your pillow, repeatedly.
Annoying, annoying, annoying.
If you pepper your daily conversations with “like,” or “oh my god,” or “he/she went,” please consider the fact that you probably sound like a moron (note the proper use of the word “like”). You need to stop this madness.
“Uhm, uhh, like” This type of speech, which used to be ridiculed as “Valley Girl,” was nonexistent during my childhood, hence the reason I do no use the terms. “Like” and “uhh” have become speech fillers for those who cannot formulate their thoughts.
Here’s an idea: Instead of vocalizing an unrelated word or sound, close your lips until you think of what you want to say in its entirety!
“Like” This is a word with only two meanings. The first is used to describe one thing by referencing another: “My cat looks like a panther.” The second is used in place of the word “enjoy”: “I like cats.” If you are not utilizing the term in one of these two ways, you are wrong.
“Literally” A word which means that something actually happened. So, when you say “I literally fell out of my chair,” that means that you were on the floor. It is not a figure of speech like “I nearly fell out of my chair.” Don’t use the term “literally” unless it truly did happen.
“He/she Went…” No, he did not go anywhere. The proper terminology to use when talking about a previous conversation is “he/she said.” Do not use “went” unless the person “went to the mall” or “went to the kitchen.”
“Oh My God” Whatever your religious or spiritual background might be is not relavant to the conversation unless perhaps someone is injured. Saying “Oh my God” used to register extreme shock; now it is becoming a conversation filler (a moronic one).
Whatever your language or dialect, remember that words are how we communicate ourselves and share who we are with the world. If you communicate like a moron, that is who you are to the world. I can’t help but wonder who might hire the girls in the above conversation. If I were the interviewer, they would not make it five minutes.
What do you think, dear lurker?